Hello my lovelies, first of all sorry it’s been a while, work and life
has taken over a little recently. Secondly, welcome back if you’ve been here
before or welcome, welcome if it’s your first time to my mummy blog. So, todays
post is an interesting one in the respect that it’s actually a little more
serious than my usual posts however I will endeavour to maintain the
light-heartedness my posts provide.
I always say being a mummy is the best job in the world yet, as most
mummies will tell you, it’s also the hardest job in the world which goes for
parenting in general. We all know about the terrible two’s and the dreaded
teens, but what about the years in between? I for sure thought I might have had
a break from 3-12 yr of age from the tantrums, attitude and total (although
only occasional) resentment you receive from your little ‘darlings’
…….ooooohhhhh nooooooo! No chance! I’ve experienced some full force absolutely
gob smacking episodes that the writers of Emmerdale would be proud of.
When it comes to real life I truly believe honesty for kids is the best
policy (but this does not include the magical elements of life like the tooth
fairy and Santa as lets face it how amazing is it to see their little faces
light up when they truly believe that shiz). I have always strived to be honest
with the ninja and always said and still do ‘if you have any questions about
anything, I will always answer them for you.'
Now just over three years ago, we lost Grandma (my mother in law) who the
ninja was very close to and we always said as parents would be totally honest
with her in the hope that she would be the same throughout her life. This sparked
a lot of thinking in that little overworked brain of hers and she began to say
things like ‘mum if you die I will never stop loving you’ and ‘you’re getting
old, will you die soon?’ (errrr not old thanks!). It was becoming clear that
she had lots of questions and was a little confused about it all and this then
lead to her becoming frequently upset as she clearly didn’t understand. As parents,
we tried to remain open with her and answered any questions as honestly as we
could but something was building and building inside her so I began to ask her
school teachers how she was at school. They said she was doing fine but also
offered a place in the Sunbeams club during school hours which was like a mini
counselling group for children coping with loss. WOW! I was amazed! What a
fabulous group to be a part of and somewhere the lil ninja could finally open
up and learn about her own emotions.
This little club was the best thing at the
time as how do you get children of 4 years to open up about loss and feelings….
with homemade puppets and stickers of course and I can’t thank the school
enough for providing such a lovely idea as this definitely opened up the ninjas
mind to being ok with having different feelings, sharing them, and also
managing them.
She is now of an age (and has been for some time, oh the ongoing drama –
insert hand on head and slight wilting of the body here) where she is fully
aware of how her emotions work and what she is feeling. So how does a mummy
cope when their eight year old child catches themselves in the mirror and says
‘mummy I think I’m fat’ or turns and says ‘can you kill me, I want to die so I
can be with Grandma’ (I did warn you at the beginning) or starts to pack her
suitcase stating ‘you are the worst parents in the world so I’m leaving’ (my
reply to this last one ‘take a coat its cold!’ LOL) Seriously! I myself am an
emotional person so here is how I react, I stay honest with her, I cry if I
feel like it, I explain in as much detail as I can about the situation, I give
her confidence by telling her how amazing she is and how much I love her but I
don’t like how she is acting sometimes because it upsets me, I hug her as much
as she needs and I ask her to remain grateful (as gratitude is something I
believe should be practiced in life to help keep your mind positive). Sounds simple,
right? (pah sod simple it’s like a bloody roller coaster and I don’t mean get
on ride and it stops, it’s more like queue for hours in the pouring rain and face
smacking wind then once you’re on……..YOU ARE TRAPPED in a world of never ending
ups and downs that will have you hurled all over from feeling sick to peeing
yourself from laughing too much! – anyone fancy a ride???? Eeeek)
Obviously, these are the more intense things the ninja will say and hopefully
by talking and communicating I am setting her up for a life of open mindedness
and understanding of the world. She can also say the most amazing things (and
not even when she wants something) like ‘mum, (whilst holding my face) you are
just so beautiful’ and ‘I love you to grandma (in the stars) and back and more
than chocolate’ and get this one ‘mum you look a bit old there’ oh wait that
one belongs in the I wish my kid wouldn’t
say these out loud in public category! DOH! My point is she is developing
this emotional and brutal honesty which I can’t recommend enough as it helps me
keep on top of how she’s feeling giving me insight to how her mind works
enabling me to support her in the best way I can and the only way I know how. To
fully understand the ninja, I have to fully trust and listen to what she is
telling me giving her full control of the situations and yes there will be
times when this doesn’t happen but that’s life. But by giving her the power of
control it makes her trust me more and with that trust then comes the honesty
and I have dealt with situations where dishonesty has come into play for the
tiniest of things but because I have questioned and expressed my feelings, this
then results in the ninja feeling guilt leading to more openness and honesty in
the future. (WINNER!!!!) The power of control is also great when she is having
one of her I’m not doing anything you say
moments and this has now worked for a number of years where I give her two
scenarios both leading to the same outcome, for example, I mentioned she needed
to get in the
shower the other night and she was having a bad day so her
reaction was ‘no, I’m not having a shower’ (this is when I get roly eye
syndrome thinking here we go). So, I instantly check out the situation by
asking why? From this I, can gauge the type of mood she is in so when she says
‘I’m just not having one nope nope nope’ I think ok ……CODE RED full on mardy
monkey entering the house. So, the scenario I give is ‘ok you can get in the
shower and wash your hair or get in the shower and put your shower cap on and
not wash your hair as it was done yesterday so it doesn’t really need doing’
and at this point I’m still full on calm, cool collected mofo!!
LOL this gives
her total control of the situation leading to her believe she has decided on
the outcome where in actual fact the outcome is still the same as the grotty
little ninja has now been in the shower!!! RESULT!!! Relationship is saved,
ninja is clean and mum is happy.
I hope this read served you well and you take something from it.
Thank you for taking the time my lovelies
Big hugs xxxx
